JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
