On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
