so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And then he peed in my hair
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