So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
