Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
not ubering you a puppy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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