i think i have two assholes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
