I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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