I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
