Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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