am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
