so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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