The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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