out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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