Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
