Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
