Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
