I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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