When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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