somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My bed smells like the plague
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