I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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