do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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