I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He did a backflip because drugs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
