I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
