i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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