so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
