Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
