i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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