why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
