We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
