you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
