it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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