It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize