Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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