He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
