Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
