I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
