Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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