i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Drake has all the answers
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize