Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sext me about skeletons
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
