I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
