Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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