sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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