Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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