so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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