hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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