Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize