come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
