no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
