Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
