A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
