Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
