is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
