NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
