Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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