I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
