You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Are my feet made of real feet?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
