he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
