i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
