Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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