roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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